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3/28/12

Failing Forward

Do you ever feel like you have so many dreams for life
things you want to do
places you want to go
projects you'd love to complete.

You gather your courage
convince yourself you can
then stifle your doubts just long enough to make that first faltering leap
only to fall flat on your face in seeming failure?!

{cira 2011, bahamas} 

I've had a lot of these situations the last several years.

Like my dream for over 10 years to apprentice as a midwife.
The last year, I've had three different women express interest in teaching me what they know.
Only to have them move away, change their mind or decide it just won't work.

Like my inside hopes of starting my own business and creating an income so I can stay home,
only to have it helplessly flop before even flying.

Like my literal life long love of writing.  From fictional characters scribbled on lined paper
to a book of short stories from my growing up years.
After completely the last pages, it was accidently destroyed on our computer.
I haven't written one line of story since that horrible tragedy 7 years ago.


Somehow mixed in are other little disappointments and let downs
which over time have a way of wearing away at one's sense of adventure and ability.
It's as though never trying and never succeeding is somehow
safer than trying and finding out you could fail.

But somewhere deep in my heart, I feel a little seed of courage poking up it's head
begging that I try again.
Then I am reminded of my words for this year.
And I feel God quietly whispering to my heart
If you never try, you will never know what I can do through you.

So if you happen to hear rumors of me writing full-on novels
birthing babies in the Amazon
creating things with the gifts God has given just to me
running marathons
. . . wait.  Scratch that last bit.  We can't over-extend courage in that way. 
you will know that this woman is grabbing that dang fear in the face
allowing myself the luxury of failing
and believing that after one of these times, I will succeed.

I'm now off to scale the sheer side of a cliff. . . or some such awesomeness.


PS.
If you could succeed at anything, what would it be?!

19 comments:

  1. this is amazing photography!! (:

    I'd love to be a great singer, sychronized swimmer, or dancer. (:

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  2. Today, I'd love to run a Breakfast Bakery. Have my own shop with lots of foot traffic, good breakfasts, and familiar faces.

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  3. Beautiful! I've got big dreams to become a midwife :) This fall I start taking pre-req classes, then one year of an accelerated nursing program, and then I get to apply to a midwifery program. I'm nervous and scared, but at the same time so ready and excited. xo! eliza

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  4. I would like to succeed at becoming a stay at home MOM and also having a successful photography business with 3-4 clients a week. :)

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  5. That would be so cool if you became a midwife! And I'm so sorry about losing your stories... that would be awful, like losing all your pictures or something.

    If I could succeed at anything, it would be a wife and mother. Although raising goats sounds like fun too :-)

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  6. Awesome picture!

    I'd like to be a successful mom and wife someday. I often considered myself as a future basketball mom :)

    xo,
    janmloves.blogspot.com

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  7. I came here to say thanks for your sweet comment about my novel on my writing blog and this post got me. I can relate SO MUCH.
    My greatest dream is to be a published author and it's so hard trying to work in a field where things are so subjective (maybe you're a great writer, but the content of your story doesn't appeal to one editor, so you get rejected). Not to mention how hard it is to ignore criticism from people who don't think you can do it.
    I hope you get a good start on birthing Amazon babies and writing novels this year! :) Everyone should get a shot at their dreams.

    Andrea
    Left brain, right brain, pug brain.

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  8. You will do it!

    I would love to be able to be a stay at home mom but unfortunately there is just no way for us to be able to make that work right now :(

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  9. Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

    Not sure I like the guy who said it but I believe it to be true. Go get 'em!

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  10. i feel the same way, wanting so many things and not quite succeeding the way i want to. i try to find blessings in what i do have, what i do accomplish and what i do enjoy. beautiful post thank you for sharing!

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  11. Nicole, thank you for your comment on my blog! It put a smile on my face.

    I love this post. Your writing is beautiful. And you will succeed. Yes, yes you will. :)

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  12. Thank you for always being so honest! Go chase your dreams girlie!
    My dream is that someday I'll become a kick-butt mom, wife, and doctor! :)

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  13. No risk, no reward! I imagine that at the end of our lives, we won't regret the times we tried and failed, we'll regret the things we never had the courage to try. Because...what if? Make it happen, baby! :)

    http://atallshipandastar.blogspot.com

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  14. wow, we have so much in common - i've always dreamed of being a midwife... and a novelist... but my number one dream has always been to be wife and mom which i am blest to be doing right now!

    have a lovely day!

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  15. You know when you read something and you nod your head the entire way through it? This is what I did on this post. I feel like this is what I do a ton on your blog.
    I feel like we have very very similar thoughts! Haha.
    Love this!
    xo,
    Sierra
    Oh, Just Living the Dream

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  16. you are an amazing writer. i love this post. that is all.

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  17. I totally resonate with this. It's actually why I started my Etsy shop. For so long I came up with a hundred little excuses of why I couldn't and now wasn't the right time. But one day I came to your exact realization and decided to Just.Do.It.

    Thanks for your honesty, friend!!

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  18. I just love you! You read so many of my thoughts. I can relate 200%. If I could do anything, I would find a way to make a living as a writer. I would start doing the long list of things I've wanted to do (simple stuff, like learning to sew!) but haven't because I've been scared I'll mess it up.

    This was so good!

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  19. I admire you and all of your lofty goals! You really are a really neat person. I wish I could say I had awesome goals like you. Instead, I start little. Like one sewing project, or just planting strawberries and peppers in my garden this year and nothing more... if I can have success with just one little thing, I feel like accomplishing more!

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