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3/27/12

One Giant Fear

I try really super hard to live free from controlling fear.
I really, really do.
I constantly live with this thought in the back of my mind.
God is good.  And everything He allows is for a reason.
But sometimes -- my fears make me cry.


To be honest, my biggest fear in life is 
loosing the boy that has bewitched me, body and soul.
On rare occasions when I imagine how my life would look if he was suddenly gone
I have actually been known to cry and hurt in deep inside places.

The days this hits me the most are on my days off. . . 
after he has peppered my cheeks with kisses
and brought me a glass of water and medicine for my monthly crampies
just because he knows I will need it and 
then says good bye for the day.

I usually holler after him to drive safe and maybe even text me when he gets to work.
Then I lay in bed and fight the thoughts of every possible bad thing that I hope never happens.
Willing myself to trust God.


When said situation happened just yesterday
I had cuddled back under the covers for a few more winks
and several hours later, I got a call from him.
Hello?! Hellloo, babe?!

When I finally realized he had accidently called me from his pocket.
I just sat with the phone pressed against my ear
listening for a solid two minutes to his muffled conversations with the guys
and then that big laugh that makes me warm inside and happy that everything was still ok.

Even though I can't imagine my life without this best boy I've ever known
I'm thankful that God is good.
That I can trust that He will work our lives out sovereignly.
 There is the place that brings peace.

So tonight you probably will find us hanging out
talking, watching our favorite shows
and most likely eating something yummy 
*no duh
because we never know how short life may be.
And by golly I plan to make the best of it with this person who I love so much.


How do you make the best of life with your special people?!
xo

16 comments:

  1. Awww you two are so adorable! I have that same fear!! I always think what if what if? It's not good! But I just would never want to lose my hubby!! I'm glad I'm not the only one! :)

    J

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  2. this.post.
    i get those pangs of fear too and it's scary, but, like you said, God is good. and we need to enjoy the time we have with the people we love. sometimes i worry what life would be like without him, but then he looks me in the eye, tells me he loves me and i know everything is going to be okay.

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  3. Aaaaghhhh I hate to think about that! Thank you for reminding me that God is sovereign and that I can trust Him, no matter if the one whose heart has been so intertwined and melted together with mine is here or not.

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  4. I needed this post today - thank you!

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  5. I am the exact same way! And you're right, it's so important not to take life for granted. Say "I love you" with words an actions, as many times a day as you can! No fear, only faith. Fear freezes, faith frees!

    http://atallshipandastar.blogspot.com

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  6. I feel the same way everytime My husband leaves for work an hour away. He works night shift every other week. Or when I leave for a mission trip that he can't come on.. We've made a pact: live alone die together. Which basically means if we are apart, we have to do everything we can to be careful! Not that we worry of what comes after death - we love Jesus! But I don't want to be left behind without him! So i totally get how you feel!

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  7. Oh I feel ya!! I just can't let myself go there. Not a pretty place.

    God is amazing, and knows SO SO SO much and we can't even begin to hope that we can understand His amazing, sovereign ways!

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  8. Oh, I can relate 100%! And since becoming a mother it's only gotten worse...

    But, as you said, God IS good and He will never give us a trial without the grace to persevere.

    Thanks for the reminder to enjoy my little family today! :)

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  9. My husband and I were talking about purchasing life insurance the other day. And of course I started crying at the thought of life without him. God is so good.

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  10. Oh, I know these fears... And sometimes they make me cry... But I try...
    And it's actually so easy to make the best of life with your beloved ones.

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  11. I just love making my boy and my family laugh. I don't care if I look stupid, seeing them happy means the world to me! :)

    xo,
    janmloves.blogspot.com

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  12. You know what's funny? I fear the same thing.
    Thank you for this post, though. It's always nice to have a little validation that my fears are completely irrational. This was beautiful!
    xo,
    Sierra
    Oh, Just Living the Dream
    sieraainge.blogspot.com

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  13. This is SO sweet {and and your hubs are super cute together} - and I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I can get all caught up in the "what-ifs" and I have to just make myself stop!

    P.S. - Lovin' the Pride & Prejudice reference ;)

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  14. I love how in love you guys are :) I understand how you feel about the worrying. Don't even get me started! I don't even like when Anthony walks home from work (it's four blocks) late at night... I would much rather he drive!

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