10 Reasons We Are Still Married

Your dress is in your closet, a bower of lace and frilly beauty.  

Your flowers are growing in a field somewhere in the world, just waiting to be arranged and carried against those gorgeous shimmering dresses.

Your wedding bands are safely in their cushioned boxes until they go on your fingers to stay forever.

Life is pretty much perfect beyond words.  You go to sleep with that almost-painfully-huge smile on your face.  And anytime someone says anything that resembles wedding, love or {insert your boy's name}, your ears perk up and instantly you launch into a 37 minute conversation about how happy you are.

But in one little corner of your mind, you remind yourself that life won't always be this sweet and happy.  Yes, of course we will fight.  But it will only ever last for a grand total of .2374 seconds because when we're married we will finally be able to follow that wise council to always fight naked.

Because no duh.  That will always make everything eternally better.
And we'll live happily ever after.

{11 month later}

Boy was I naive.
Not in the gosh-marriage-sucks-and-I-cant-believe-I-wanted-this kind of naive.
Just naive in the I-never-knew-marriage-would-be-the-hardest-best-thing-I've-ever-done kind of way.

It's kind of like the gorgeous Emily from The Anderson Crew says it.

"We love, we fight, we love, we fight, we fight, 
we fight, and then we love"

I am sitting here in a cafe right now with tears poking at the back of my eyes, because this is true true true.  At least in our marriage.  Learning to live and love and serve and do life together with this new person is literally the hardest best thing I have done in my whole entire life.  Because honestly I would rather fight with Adam and then be able to go to bed with him at the end of the day, than be anyone anywhere else in the world.

So in honor of our first anniversary coming up on June 4, here's my list of 10 reasons why we are still married.

10. We aren't afraid to fight.  Husband and I are both conflict avoiders by nature.  We have had to learn that sometimes it's ok to fight.  It's ok to disagree.  Because when you learn to fight in a loving way, it actually makes you closer.

9. We have weekly date nights.  Even though our budget is tight every week, we still choose to make date night a priority. Even if it's just pizza and a movie in bed or a silly matinee movie.  It keep the sparks sparky.

8. We don't keep secrets.  End of story.

7.  We read to each other.  It's amazing what little traditions can do for your marriage.  It puts a unique stamp on your relationship and helps keep the focus off the mundane things of life.  I am currently reading the entire Little House series to Husband.  I keep our current book in the cubby on my car door so I can read on our commute to work or church.  He has a man-crush on Pa, by the way.

6. We never ever ever use the 'D' word, even in a joking way.  Period.

5. We touch each other all the time.  And not in that way, people, duh.  {though Husband would beg to differ}  Maybe it's just because we are big physical touch people, but simple things like a hand on the shoulder, a tousle of the hair or holding hands in the car is huge for staying connected throughout the day.

4.  We touch that way.  It's a powerful tool for your marriage, yo.  USE it.  And never ever abuse it or use it for manipulation.

3. We are constantly looking for ways to continue to get to know each other.  Just because you are married and now know everything from your spouse's pant size to what kind of toilet paper they prefer, it doesn't mean you should stop pursuing the person you married.  We all continue to change as we grow and you don't want to live on just what you learned about them while you were dating.

2. We never speak to our parents about our fights or marriage struggles.  They will not be able to help taking sides and you don't want to taint their view of your spouse.  We have found mentor couples who we both trust that can help us when we are in a stalemate. 

1.  We never drive away, sleep in a different place or bash on the other in anger.  We have promised each other that no matter how hard or ugly it may get, we will always fight for each other.  We will always fight for our marriage.  We will always always stay together.  Because we are best friends and God did a kick-butt-awesome thing when He put us together.

We got our wedding photo album this week.  Be still my darling soul.
I still get that achy happy spot deep inside.


  1. Your wedding looked beautiful AND you were one beautiful bride I might add! I agree to all 10 of these things.

  2. Recently stumbled upon your blog -- love this post, especially your 10 reasons! Your wedding photos are also very beautiful!


  3. This is a pretty awesome post! Cheers to you guys :)


  4. Great things to guide a marriage by! Sounds like you got a lot of growing behind you, which will make the stuff ahead of you easier and easier.

  5. As Caleb and my 2 year anniversary is coming up on June 19th, I couldn't have put what you said into words better. So glad that you enjoy married life as much as we do!

  6. I wanted to cry reading this!! In the almost-year I've been married I've definitely felt all of those things. Marriage is tough and hard and beautiful and momentous, but most of all definitely not what I expected it to be (in a good way!).

  7. beautiful, all the way around!


  8. Gorgeous gorgeous photos!!! And what wisdom too. I read this quote today that I think you'll like: "Behind every happy couple lies two people who have fought hard to overcome all obstacles and interference to be that way. Why? Because it's what they wanted." -Kim George

  9. What an amazing post! And amen! My husband and I do all these too (except for reading to each other). Love it!
    Alesha <3

  10. Amen sister! And gorgeous pictures!

  11. Thank you for sharing this, this is awesome! So many couples need to hear this, especially us young ones! I've been married for 3 and a half years and now have a 5 month old, and I will say that the first year of our marriage was the hardest. But it keeps getting better and better, when you choose to honor, respect, and enjoy each other! And submit to the Lord :)

  12. This is so awesome. We do many of the same things. I honestly think that never using the D word, even jokingly, helps us a lot. And we always try to speak positively of the other person, if they're in the room or out. You are such a great example of a solid marriage! (and a beautiful wedding)

  13. What a great post, i loved the idea of not talking to your parents about arguments, i could see how that could help, and love your wedding decor!

  14. Yay! Crazy how fast a year can fly--here's to DECADES for you two!

  15. This is a wonderful post! My hubby and I have been married 7 months today and I think this is wonderful encouragement no matter how long you've been married. Congratulations to you and your man as you approach your first anniversary! Praying for you! :-)

  16. great, great post. love your list.

  17. Nailed it. What a huge, HUGE blessing that you've got these tenets nailed down (but by no means perfected, I know) this early. It works. Putting the other person first works. And when it's working, it keeps getting better & better! 4 years in 5 weeks. Better all the time.

  18. Thanks for the comment on my blog. You are two kind. LOVE your wedding photos and your cute list; great post.

  19. I soo love this post. It made me teary- eyed because all those things you said are true.

  20. Amen, amen, and amen... I love this list because each and every thing has complete and utter truth in it. Thank you for these reminders!


  21. As a longtime lurker, I usually simply admire your photographs, your humor, and your stories. This morning I simply MUST comment. This was your best post ever. Ever! Wonderfully written. You grabbed us with the opening lines. And knocked our socks off with your list of ten.
    Yes, I've been married longer than you or any of the commenters (those who gave their years-of-marriage number, anyway). But even after all these years, I needed reminding. Thank you. Best wishes for a heart-tingling anniversary...and a hugely happy lifetime!

  22. these are wonderful pieces of advice! definitely a list worth referencing back to! :) thanks for sharing :)

  23. you wedding pictures are gorgeous!! you are a beautiful couple!! great words too!

  24. This is just amazing. I'll be remembering this later on when in need of some encouragement in marriage! Thank you so much for sharing.

  25. You were a gorgeous bride! I love these tips. I'm single but I love posts like these for giving me tips for when I am married someday!

  26. Hey there! Found your blog after reading your post on the Leaflet. I absolutely loved reading the things you've learned/reasons you're still married! You guys seriously have it together, and I love that Jesus is the center of it. All these tips are so awesome. AND I love that you guys have the heart to want to move to China, that's amazing! So excited I found your blog : )

  27. i love this.
    its all so true.

    one of my favorite quotes from todaysletters.com is
    "good marriages are a dime a dozen.. great marriages take a lot of work"

    marriage IS a lot of work but the best work (and most rewarding) I have ever done.