Much Love, Cara

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I looked over and saw that all of the girls were safe and sound asleep.  It was just me.  It was just me sitting up on my cot frantic and full of panic.  As the leader of those high school girls out on their wilderness camp I thought, “well this will make for an interesting experience.”  Their leader is in charge and freaking out!.  
After a long night of saying, “I will not be anxious for anything” one billion times over and quietly so I didn’t wake anyone, someone from the “main land” brought us our water and I approached them, communicating that I was in need of help.  It’s a hard thing to ask for help when you don’t know what you need help for.  
They helped me by giving me permission to leave camp and receive counseling.  I believe that counseling is a gift from heaven, because one beautiful afternoon as the sun was shining in a quiet little room where I sat with my best friend and a counselor, Jesus changed my life.  That moment, outside of the realization that the man I was engaged to was not the man I was going to marry, had little to do with him at all.  This moment was about me, and how desperately I needed a Savior.  
Men could not fill the void in my heart.  Nor could the addiction I had created of getting in and out of relationships.  The high would last only so long until I’d break up with someone just to do it all over again.  I thought I’d found a way to constantly stay in a state of being wanted and approved of.  Until one night, while sleeping on a cot in an oversized army tent with a bunch of high school girls, God woke me in the night having pulled the veil.  Although it took my mind a while to comprehend, that night, my spirit knew that life would never be the same.  I was living in an addiction.

Addictions are addictions no matter what you’re addicted to.  When you say “no” to them you will experience withdrawal.  It has not been an easy road, but I have been on a journey the last six years of daily being reminded of my need for a Savior.  Some days I can feel I have come through it...I’m on the other side.  and other days I feel that withdrawal again.  But the difference is that now I give thanks when I feel it for it reminds me of my need for a Savior.  That there is NOTHING that can fill that void inside of me but His strength and love which is made absolutely, %100 perfect in my weakness.  

I am now married to the man made for me and together we have journeyed and are continuing to journey through the power of overcoming.  Because of what I have walked through, I have tasted a love that is more real and more deep than I could have ever imagined.  My best friend always says, “Nothing is wasted with God.”  It is true, and I am grateful.

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