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7/23/12

We are in California. On the beach. And Husband's eyes are closed.

If I could, I would name this summer The RE-Summer because of how much has happened.
It's not even big stuff really on the outside.  Just big stuff on the inside.

I feel like I am
RE-evaluating
RE-prioritizing
RE-assessing
RE-arranging
RE-discovering



It feels so freeing.






I guess you could say one of the biggest areas I have experienced this has been with this blog.

When I started over a year ago -- can I be honest?!  -- I wanted to be one of those One-Hit, One-Stop Wonders.  I wanted to be that blog that was beautiful and funny and captivating and alluring.  I wanted blogging to be That Thing that could create an income so I could stay home and paint more things with my beloved can of chalkboard paint.  {Ok.  This is only partly true.}

I spent hours and hours getting my 'name' out there.  I spent everyday wracking my brain for SOMETHING to post.  Because, heaven-forbid that I would skip a day.  How could my readers count on me?!?  I became obsessed with followers and page view numbers and people that unfollowed me.  I am embarrassed to say that I let it rob me of so much joy.


Then I 'met' this girl.  And read this:


I really want to hear God's voice more clearly. So I am turning off the comments section to free my mind from distractions. To know in my heart that as I blog, I am not trying to seek approval from others. I sincerely want to live my life in the hopes of pleasing God and bringing him the glory. And this is the only way I know how to do that for now.

Reading this gave me courage.  It inspired me that maybe I needed to do the same thing.  
So several weeks ago, I shut off comments for a while.  It was truly freeing to just write and then post.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  I didn't know if what I said what resonating with 1038432 reader's hearts.  I didn't have any gauge for what I considered success.

And then something else happened.  I didn't post for a day.  For three days.  For a week.  
Today I looked at the date on my last post.

7.11.12

What the heck?!  Am I me?  Still that the same girl from six months ago?!



I feel like my heart has been let out of this ugly cage I locked myself into. 
I feel like I am actually more free now to chase those dreams I told myself I would chase at the beginning of this year.  
I feel like I have been released from the crushing pressures I put on myself the last year.


I am so happy.

Right now Husband and I are in California.  We need a break.  Our lives this summer have been insane as we have crammed our days with work and our nights with house projects and fixing brakes on the car and events and outings and every other dad-blame-thing you can think of.  

Our time with God suffered.  Our time with each other.  Our hearts began to literally spin out of control.  We needed a break before we broke completely.

Lucky for us, Husbands parents have a restful home only five minutes from the beach.  Husband can work during the week for his dad, covering just enough for our plane tickets here.  And I get to sleep in.  Read my Bible.  Pray while I go on long walks around the neighborhood.  I feel like my soul is soaking up rain after a drought-long-summer.  I also picked up two books from the library right before I left.  It's like God put them in my hand because they are just what I need at this time.  Do yourselves a favor and read Love Does and Seven.  They will change your life.

Sooooo.  Thanks for those of you who are still here.  Thanks for walking with me through this journey of blogging and life.  I am blessed by your friendships.  I am blessed by your encouraging words and tweets and emails.  I wish I could spend an afternoon with you, eating yummy things and talking about life.  

Be blessed this evening, lovelies.
xo



*Disclaimer: Please know that despite my struggles with blogging over the last year, everything I have posted has been truly from my heart.  I never made things up for the sake of a better story. . . just saying. :)

15 comments:

  1. I hear ya, girl! This sounds very similar to what I have been going through as of late, and for me, too, something has just clicked. God truly knows what He's doing! Praying for you!

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  2. Um Y.E.S. to this entire post.

    And girllllllllll, we need to have a conversation about "7" in a really big way. I loved, loved, loved reading that book.

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  3. I used to be just like this. I'm not perfect though. Page views and follower numbers still get me now and then but it's blog posts like these (and bloggers like you!) that remind me that page views don't matter. God does.

    Thank you for this reminder!

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  4. Girl! I have loved reading about things going on in your life and love that you share your heart to encourage! It is also my heart, so I am thankful to have found a kindred spirit =) =)
    I know that the Lord will continue to reveal his plans to you and your hubby! Keep trusting and enjoy the rest! Sounds like such a great time of getting away!
    Much Love,
    L

    allglorious-within.blogspot.com

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  5. This is beautiful. It sounds to me like surrender, and that's never easy to do. Keep it up girl, and I hope you have a re-laxing, re-freshing time in CA.:) Blessings--

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  6. ...I wondered where you had been! it is hard to get the balance with this online malarky, I hope you time by the sea has rejuvenated you! (do you see what I did?) :) :)

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  7. So glad you've found a break, that you've found balance again! You probably need even more down time than you think. Soak it up. When it starts to feel ultra-luxurious, keep going :) I've just started reading Seven, too. Wham, right? xoxo

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  8. Love your heart and glad you took a break. Sometimes we just need to. Let me know how you like Seven - I could not put it down!! <3

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  9. Still with you. :) No matter how often or not often you post, I'll always find your newest one!

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  10. Thanks for your honesty. I've been following you for a little while, but never commented. I'm new to blogging and sometimes I feel just like you did at the beginning. This at least makes me feel more normal. I worry about getting followers but only in the past few days have I realized that actually what I want from my blog is to document my life and gain a real relationship with others. Why want so many followers if no one comments? So it's put it into perspective for me, and this post just reinforced that. Again, thanks for your honesty!

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  11. I love the way you write and express yourself. And I'm honestly glad that this blog's pace has slowed down a bit; it's more meaningful. I'm happy you are finding balance in your life -- balance is always an uphill battle, it seems. And love comes first. I'm glad to hear you and your hubby are having a relaxing vacation in California!

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  12. Glad to see you back on the blog--the "RE"s sound good. I like the new layout too. Refreshingly simple. We gotta talk in real life soon, 'kay? XO!

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  13. I LOVE your honesty! And your willingness to say that you need to take a break to spend with your husband and God! One of the things I love about blogging is seeing people's hearts through their words. It isn't the fact that they entertain me or give me something to read right when i get onto the computer...it's about reading people's genuine words. And your words are genuine and filled with heart!

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  14. i too love your honesty and love your heart! so glad you were able to get the perspective you were seeking! xoxo
    davi

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  15. Thank you. I have so struggled with this as well...I haven't found that perfect balance yet. Idk if I ever will. =) I have been blessed by you blog. Thanks again.
    Alesha <3

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