"You can get everything you want in a spouse. You get to choose two things."
Before I got married, I was convinced my mature 20-year-old brain knew just what they were talking about. Of course I won't marry a perfect person. I reasoned with myself. I mean, heck, look at all the problems I have in my own life. So I carefully surveyed the men around me and 'decided' I would pick one who was teachable and humble.
I was pretty proud of my choices. And if I was really honest, I secretly admitted to myself that even though I wouldn't get a perfect guy, those two qualities would automatically mean that he would be ready and able to perfect himself in whatever other minor areas of improvement he may need.
But somehow as the wedding-gifted kitchen towels took on a hint of must and my sparkly wedding band begged for a cleaning, I silently began to my mental list of all the areas he wasn't measuring up. There were the silly things like how he forgot to take out the trash two weeks in a row and how he is constantly leaving his dresser drawer open. And the bigger questions, is he being the spiritual leader I deserve?!
Then there was that one night we drove home from a grocery run. As we sat in our dark car with our own frustrations about to explode, he said these words. It feels like you just want me to be perfect. And I can't take that pressure everyday.
: Palm to forehead :
After lots of self-denial and masterfully spoken excuses, I realized that he was exactly right. How did I become this wife so soon!? How did I become married to the most patient and gracious man God ever created, and all I can manage to do is keep extensive checklists of areas he could do better.
I spent the following week keeping a promise to myself to not speak one negative word. Besides the two tiny ones that might have just slipped out. Little by little God began to show me how those things on my list weren't really as big as I thought they were. He reminded me that many of our rough edges take a lifetime of work and that it's really just ok. I was also reminded how overlooking the little mistakes helps me to see how many other areas Husband actually nails it every time.
I mean, he's pretty hot with the little guys in his arms
and he is going to be the best daddy in the world
and he never gets mad when I ask if he could tidy the 3-days-messy kitchen
and he brings me a towel when I'm in the shower
and still takes me on dates every week and ... ...
And in that moment, I realize that it's really going to be ok that we have our whole lifetime to learn and grow together.