On 'Perfect' Husbands

A wise person once said
"You can get everything you want in a spouse.  You get to choose two things."

Before I got married, I was convinced my mature 20-year-old brain knew just what they were talking about.  Of course I won't marry a perfect person.  I reasoned with myself.  I mean, heck, look at all the problems I have in my own life.  So I carefully surveyed the men around me and 'decided' I would pick one who was teachable and humble.

I was pretty proud of my choices.  And if I was really honest, I secretly admitted to myself that even though I wouldn't get a perfect guy, those two qualities would automatically mean that he would be ready and able to perfect himself in whatever other minor areas of improvement he may need.

Fast forward to Fall 2012, fifteen months of pure, wedded bliss.  :coough:  Oh yes.  I had found my guy. My guy who could, if he wanted, boast of those two qualities I so carefully 'chose'.  He is humble in a way that never assumes he better than anyone else.  His teachable spirit is proven time and again as he is willing to seeing things from my very self-assured point of view.

But somehow as the wedding-gifted kitchen towels took on a hint of must and my sparkly wedding band begged for a cleaning, I silently began to my mental list of all the areas he wasn't measuring up.  There were the silly things like how he forgot to take out the trash two weeks in a row and how he is constantly leaving his dresser drawer open.  And the bigger questions, is he being the spiritual leader I deserve?!

Then there was that one night we drove home from a grocery run.  As we sat in our dark car with our own frustrations about to explode, he said these words.  It feels like you just want me to be perfect.  And I can't take that pressure everyday.

: Palm to forehead :

After lots of self-denial and masterfully spoken excuses, I realized that he was exactly right.  How did I become this wife so soon!?  How did I become married to the most patient and gracious man God ever created, and all I can manage to do is keep extensive checklists of areas he could do better.  

I spent the following week keeping a promise to myself to not speak one negative word.  Besides the two tiny ones that might have just slipped out.  Little by little God began to show me how those things on my list weren't really as big as I thought they were.  He reminded me that many of our rough edges take a lifetime of work and that it's really just ok.  I was also reminded how overlooking the little mistakes helps me to see how many other areas Husband actually nails it every time.

I mean, he's pretty hot with the little guys in his arms 
and he is going to be the best daddy in the world 
and he never gets mad when I ask if he could tidy the 3-days-messy kitchen 
and he brings me a towel when I'm in the shower 
and still takes me on dates every week and ...  ...

And in that moment, I realize that it's really going to be ok that we have our whole lifetime to learn and grow together.


  1. This. Is. Profound. Not in a "I never knew this about marriage way", but a "This is something every married person struggles with at one point or another" way. And nothing is quite like the feeling of contentment and peace that is found when we give up our fantasies of perfection in order to love and receive love from the one God has blessed us with.

  2. How incredibly familiar this sounds. Right down to the mental list of perfection. God bless our hearts:) And thanks for this post! Seriously.

  3. Thanks, for the reminder Lady. Rough around the edges isn't a bad thing, its a normal thing.

  4. This is so wonderful! It's so easy for us to get bogged down in the everyday to forget all the wonderful little bits of our husbands and instead pick out the parts where they don't measure up (and when we compare them to Jesus, it's pretty tough to measure up!). Bless you and your hubby!

  5. Thanks for the reminder that we're all human and not all perfect. I've been struggling with feeling like I'm not the perfect mom, but this reminds me that all I can do is the best I can and trust that God will help guide me along the journey.

    Have a great weekend with your awesome hubby and bun in the oven.

  6. Thank you for reminding me to remember the good things, and that the entirety of life is a time for us to learn what God wants us to learn.

  7. Such a beautiful post!! I absolutely love this!!

  8. You nailed it beautifully. Part of a happy marriage and family for me was learning to keep my mouth shut and let the little things just slide right off and be forgotten. :)

  9. You guys are the SUPER cutest! Love this, N!

  10. I love your phrase, "I was also reminded how overlooking the little mistakes helps me to see how many other areas Husband actually nails it every time." That's what I need to do!

  11. This is fantastic. I'm SO good at finding all the faults and glossing over the good. It's an every day battle, and sometimes it's so good to know other married couples have been through it as well.

  12. That was great, Nicole. Thanks!

  13. I love this, Nicole! So what I needed to read today! :)
    I wish we were neighbors so I could come help you with your littles & clean your kitchen :)
    Love your heart friend!

  14. Wow, You couldn't of taken the words out of my mouth any better. My husband and I have been married for just over one year and all these things have been creeping up. It is crazy how I thought our marriage would be different than everyone elses and that we would stay so romantically in love with eachother for the rest of our lives. And although I am still very much in love with my husband, nothing is perfect and at times things can seem so overwhelming. I am thankful for Jesus in these times.

    This post made me tear up. Thank you for your honesty and encouragment, so that I could learn something. I am excited to continue to read your blog and join you on this journey. I would love to chat some more!!