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2/18/15

For The Housebound Mamas

You guys! We just got home from Raleigh late last night and we are exhausted!  So much fun and play and tasty food and four different flights with two babies under two, all crammed into four days will do that to a person.  But we couldn't be more grateful for all the memories we made.

Luckily, due to the wind chills of -16 today, Adam had the day off work so we laid around the house all morning and literally did not one productive thing.  It's like we are having a vacation after our vacation.  Amazing!!

He is currently at home taking care of the boys and I'm sitting in a coffee shop about ready to pound out some work that I've gotten behind on.  But first, I wanted to quickly share something that's been on my heart for a while.
As a stay at home moms, it can sometimes feel like you are being sucked into a vortex of laundry and diapers and dishes and baby routines. . .  All.Day.Long.  And while I genuinely love being there, getting to be part of the nitty gritty of these little years, it can be exhausting.  I can go days without breathing the outside air, except for the 7 seconds of reaching into the cold for the daily mail.

If I'm honest, somedays I just want a two hour break.  I want to get out to the coffee shop to just sit in peaceful silence and not feel guilty for catching up on emails.  I want to sip a hot drink that I would never take time to make at home.  I want to have a chance to step back from microscopic moments of motherhood, so I can remember who I am as a child of God.  I don't want to be defined by this precious job that fills my every waking hour.  I want to be defined by the bigger picture of who God wants me to be in His story.
Some women are married to the 3% of men that are hyperaware of their wives need for a break, constantly providing opportunities for them to get out and have much needed rest.  But let's be honest, girls.  Men like that are so rare.  Sometimes I sit around waiting for this sweet man of mine, who happens to be part of the other 97%, to change and become like that very small percent of others.

I've come to realize that instead of feeling hurt and squelching my need for a break, I simply needed to start asking.  Asking if he would watch the babies so I could go to the coffee shop.  Even simple things like asking if he could keep the house running while I just sit in our peaceful room and enjoy some quiet.  Guess what?!  I was surprised how happy Adam was to say yes.  What he said shocked me.  He said it's so helpful for him when I ask for a break.  He said that he doesn't always know how to give it to me, even though he wants to.  He knows that I need time away and when I ask, he morphs into this empowering, giving person, pushing me to go out even when I start to second guess myself.  Of course I don't mean this at all to put down the person Adam is.  He is wonderfully selfless and loving and sacrificial in more ways than I could ever hope for.  This is just an area we are learning to grow in together.
So to my fellow wives of the 97%.  Let's stop sitting around and feeling hurt.  Let's stop trying to be super mamas that never need a break.  Let's actively share our needs and allow our husbands to love us by meeting our needs, even if he may not be aware of them on his own.  I promise it will make us better wives and mamas to these precious ones we serve each day.

xo

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22 comments:

  1. Love this. I told my husband that, like any other job, sometimes moms need a little paid time off. Or, in this case, just time off. I often go for an ice cream date with my friend and let my husband put our daughter to bed. It's the perfect break for me!

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  2. YES! My husband has said similar things for sure! He pushes me out of the house EVERY week now to get some "me time" :-) SO healthy and needed!!!!

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  3. So good, SO good! Like wise women told me when I got married, you have to just talk, communicate! For some reason I just want my hubby to know what I want, without having to tell him... kinda crazy :)

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  4. i know! i think it sometimes feel like it takes the 'romance' out of things when i have to ask, but life isn't always storybook romance, right?! xo

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  5. three cheers for these supportive husbands!!

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  6. YES!! so thankful for these men that are so understanding. XO

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  7. This is so good. I know I've been feeling sucked into that vortex -- maybe I just need to request an hour or two off, instead of wishing it would be suggested I take a break. :)

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  8. I love this! <3 It is not selfish for us to ask for a little mama time.

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  9. yes! i definitely think it makes me better able to love and serve when i'm here with the babies!! xo

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  10. amen. sometimes i just need half an hour in a hot bath with pinterest - or a good book. just to unwind. I need to be more intentional about asking,

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  11. Being a stay at home mom is so hard. I did it for years with my 3 daughters. Loved every minute of it BUT that doesn't mean that I didn't need a break. Any other job gave you nights and weekends off. Moms? Nope. 24/7. So we need to take breaks for our sanity, for our health and for our kids. It's great for them to get on on one time with the opposite parent. Complete win/win in my eyes!

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  12. i love this because it's all so so true. remind me. . . do you work outside the home right now?! xo

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  13. ahhh pinterest. total relaxer. ;) xo

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  14. so so so spot on! My husband is also in the 97% and he has specifically told me that I need to start asking him to watch the kids or think of something I want to do on a saturday morning instead of just sitting by while he makes plans for himself. Anyway - it's hard and uncomfortable to ask because I feel like I'm being a burden but I really had no idea that he didn't know how to give me a break!

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  15. I do. Once my daughters went to school I went to work. My husband is a teacher so he's on their schedule which really helps out.

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  16. Loved reading this! So true in my life, I realized when I start asking, he is more then willing to give me a break from our boys. Even to just go grocery shopping by yourself can feel like a mini vacation (:

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  17. I LOVE this post! I feel like I've gotten to a point where I finally understand that my husband is a part of the 97% and I'm able to ask him for help instead of being hurt that he doesn't offer it up whenever and we are both so happy!


    I used to get depressed when my friends would post status updates or pictures of how their hunnies "bought them flowers," "cleaned the entire house then took me out to dinner," etc. etc.


    Some men just need you to tell them to buy you flowers. Maybe some day he'll figure it out, but for now, we're good!

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  18. that's so nice! i feel like teaching is the perfect job for parents!! so glad you guys have that.

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  19. yes! i totally feel the same way but i'm so thankful i'm learning to ask. i think it also helps adam to be more aware and i'm wondering if he will start offering more on his own as he becomes more in tune with my needs. so thankful for our guys!! even if they are the 97%!! xo

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  20. YES! how true that is. i'm so glad to know that i'm not the only mama in this situation. thanks for sharing!! xo

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  21. HAHA! i feel like i am reading something written by you but from my own heart. ;) i'm so glad i'm not alone and that when we humble ourselves and love our sweet men for just who they are, we are all so much happier!! thanks for sharing!! xo

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  22. i love this! a friend of mine was saying the same thing. it's amazing how they really want to help and give us a break but it's almost like they don't know how to go about it. thanks for sharing!! xo

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